Over the past few months I have got to know an old relation of mine very well.  Although he has always been a big part of my life, I have realised I had been taking him very much for granted.  I had focused selfishly on what he could do for me and spent hardly anytime wondering what life is like for him and how I might help him. But all that has changed and my old and trusted relation has also become a unique and dear friend. 

I am, of course, talking about my brain.

Mindfulness practice has helped me get to know my brain.  Although he has lived with me all my life, I have never really understood my brain.  Of course I knew of him, valued him even.  But I was always interested in his performance and the praise I got as a result.  Grade A at ‘O’ level maths aged 14 - well done brain.  Ability to learn large chunks of unwieldy script - excellent work brain.

But now it seem like we have only just been introduced.  My meditation practice has allowed me to spend severe amounts of quality time in the company of my old/new friend.  And what have I learnt about him?

First of all he is highly energetic, a bit like a young Jack Russell terrier who runs all over the place for no apparent reason.

Secondly he appears to suffer from a brain version of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).  He struggles to concentrate on something for long unless it is really engaging and hops from thought to though at random and with no control.

Finally he is a collection of contradictions.  He can produce a clear visual image of my geography teacher from 30 years ago but not recall what I had for dinner yesterday.  He can do long multiplication without using pen and paper but cannot resist forever getting me to say ‘jigsaw’ when I want to say ‘crossword’.

Sometimes when I am mediating I can literally feel/hear him fizzing away as electrical energy bounces around inside of him.  My other body parts are his antithesis; reliable steady, predictable, consistent.  My brain is nothing like this.  Even as I am writing this he is simultaneously (a) producing pictures of the people I think will read this (b) telling me my hands are cold (c) commenting on the quality of this article and (b) noticing the workmen using a hammer outside.

I’m nearly 46 and, given the way I have a mistreated my brain over the years I wouldn’t blame him if he just downed tools and gave up on me.  But he doesn’t, he keeps going and going - buzz buzz buzz all day long.  A bit like a child, the only ways I can calm him down are by either getting him to sleep or by being totally present for him.  The latter brings me right back to mindfulness.

(PS my brain just told me this article is rubbish - why does he always do that?)